Christian Jokes Persistence A group of seminary students gathered in the chapel one day as the dean challenged them to NOT pray for a large church because of the stress, problems and worries that go with it. The warden lets them choose the method. David he rocked Goliath to a very deep sleep, 131. Who was the first tennis player in the bible? Have a wonderfully blessed, stress-free, productive, and joyful day! Why is Abraham considered the smartest person in the Bible? 55. Fear visits everyone. The word Hindu is an exonym, and while Hinduism has been called the oldest religion in the world, many practitioners refer to their religion as Santana Dharma. Answer: He brought the house down. . A good joke can bring healing to your soul. But the Bible presents a different perspective and definition of a Christian. Answer: Sunday School. Yes, the Lord will bring conviction to our hearts concerning sin, but it is so He can deliver us from sin's power and consequences. Which servant of God was the most flagrant lawbreaker in the Bible? The Bible has much more to say about fear including some verses that I have listed below with some other Christian quotes about fear. My doctor says I have a complex complex complex. ~~~, A little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running as fast as she could, trying not to be late for Bible class. On the side of head. 114. 81. People get ready, the 45 best Christian jokes are coming your way! 100. A Christler, 198. If there is anything excellent, it is salvation; if there be anything necessary, it is working out salvation; if there be any tool to work with, tis holy fear. ~ Corrie Ten Boom, How very little can be done under the spirit of fear. Why wouldnt the Pharaoh let the Hebrews go? 89. Fear Jokes. Scientists have unearthed the jawbone of what they claim is one of the very first humans. Office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards. Nurse, pls give him the blue bottle."**. Turning anything into a whine. People crowd. Tractors. The Priest arrived home to find one of his geese had been stolen, ~~~ When the smoke cleared, the astonished congregation saw a red figure complete with horns, pitchfork and tail. While on an excursion on the amazon river deep in the jungle three explorers are surrounded and captured by a tribe of cannibals. Ancestors. ~~~, *** Okay, said his father. What do you call a Bible character who just pulled into church? The greatest mistake we make is living in constant fear that we will make one. The hysterical blonde tells her husband: "Shut up . In the More jokes about: christian, customer service, doctor, money. She gets off at 6, He thought he'd been really clever in hiring a crooked accountant who was deaf and dumb. The little boy shifts in his seat, but still doesnt answer. , Somebody has said there are only two kinds of people in the world. Needless to say, the Mom was perplexed. It is Hebrewized. were arguing who is making the coffee, the wife said that in the Bible it says that men If we had no troubles but real troubles, we should not have a tenth part of our present sorrows. Just a little before Eve. The doctor brings back her test results and says, "It looks like you'll have to get used to changing diapers from now on.". Whats the best way to study the Bible? ", Little Johnny's new baby brother was screaming up a storm. What did Zachariah do when he and Elizabeth had disagreements? 71. Who in the Bible had the greatest business plans? After a few days and trying to find their way back to civilization, they were captured by a local tribe, bound and b, He confides to his friend and says "Everywhere I look, I see people who look and dress like me. Funny Christian Pick up Lines 21 Best Christian Pickup Lines If I dont park here, Ill miss my appointment. 8. He that fears not the future may enjoy the present. At one house, it was obvious that someone was home, but nobody came to the door even though the preacher knocked several times. To win the war against fear, we must know the true God as He is revealed in the Bible. It had been years since he had gotten a good night's sleep. 72. But religion, and the beliefs that accompany it, can also lend itself to good, clean humor. congregation?" Finally, the preacher took out his card, wrote out Revelation 3:20 on the back of it, and stuck it in the door. So, one day he stops seeing the psychoanalyst and decides to try s . 47. Q: Why do they say 'Amen' ~~~, It is said that Reverend Billy Graham tells of a time early in his ministry when he arrived in a small town to preach a sermon. He lies dying on the sidewalk as a crowd of on-lookers gathersaround. If Mary had Jesus, and Jesus was a little lamb. garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would I get into heaven?""NO!" After watching the boys efforts for some time, the pastor moves closer to the boys position. 163. Only the Ten Commandments, answered the lady. What did Jonah's family say when he told them about what happened before reaching Nineveh? 62. created the earth and rested. Answer: He knew there was. Id prefer a house with no den.. French tradition spuriously claims that she evangelized Provence (southeastern France) and spent her last 30 years in an Alpine cavern. 145. Fear Joe has been seeing a psychoanalyst for four years for treatment of the fear that he had monsters under his bed. "Grace.". Our Father, Who does art in heaven, Let us be strong and of good courage, for the Lord will fight for us if we stand in faith. A young couple decided to wed. As the big day approached, they grew apprehensive. Where was Solomons Temple located? not because he's afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris. 31. Men love everything but righteousness and fear everything but God. Yup. Can you help us?" As long as he was Abel. Joseph was a 1st-century Jewish man of Nazareth who, according to the canonical Gospels, was married to Mary, the mother of Jesus, and was the legal father of Jesus. At one house, it was obvious that someone was home, but nobody came to the door even though the preacher knocked several times. Fear. Where was Solomons temple located? As part of his basic training he had to participate in a war game. Im having a real good time like I am. Any of you who can pledge $100 or more, please stand up. A mother had three virgin daughters. Why couldn't the Israelites initially enter the Promised Land? Ancestors. His eye is upon us, His arm over us, His ear open to our prayer - His grace sufficient, His promise unchangeable. story, the children were asked to draw some picture that would illustrate the What was Moses wife, Zipphora, known as when shed throw dinner parties? After all, accepting what the Bible says, trusting in God's plan, and believing in Christ's death and resurrection all directly impact how Christians live. He spends the drive home going over the conversation, what he'll say, what she'll say, how he'll ans . When Zachariah and Elizabeth disagreed, what did he do? He was sadly nearly crushed by the tractors wheels when he fell out of the cab, and the experience so traumatised him. 67. How long did Cain hate his brother? Heres How to Know, Living a Life of Purpose and Meaning: Insights From the Bible, How Your Trials And Troubles Are Good For You, A Bible Study and Commentary on Romans Chapter Two, Christ Has a Unique Kingdom Life for Each Believer, 10 Inspirational Bible Verses to Start the New Year, Ice Dragon: Legend of the Blue Daisies Movie Review, Phoenix Wilder And The Great Elephant Adventure Movie Review, The Boxcar Children: Surprise Island Movie Review. 135. The chains of love are stronger than the chains of fear. This joke was told to me 20 years ago by a friend of my Dads. Contact/Advertise/Report Christian Fridge Magnets (Wholesale & Retail) PRIVACY, Terms, Bible Copyright He works to give us lasting peace. Behold, I stand at the door and knock. Answer: A roamin Catholic. Its Christmas, Eve! What did Adam say the day before Christmas? 87. What is the courts favorite Bible book? From the mantel above the fireplace, he grabbed the familys statue of the Virgin Mary. Christian Quotes, Ham. What did Daniel tell his real estate agent? What do donkeys send out around Christmastime? Much Love & Blessings, We come to believe He is our Helper in the healing of our souls! jokes4all.net /fear.html 147 104. ~ Florence Nightingale, If my attitude be one of fear, not faith, about one who has disappointed me; if I say, Just what I expected, if a fall occurs, then I know nothing of Calvary love. 45. Strong, tall and courageous, he was the ideal viking in every way, except for one. 138. What's a Christian's favorite card game?Eucharist. (Acts 2:38 (ESV) says Repent and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ, for the forgiveness of your sins.). said the woman. I have within me the great pope, self. What kind of vehicle does Jesus usually drive? Which area of the Promised Land was especially wealthy? Did you know they had cars in Jesus time? 17. Forgive us our trespasses. 108. 88. A married couple They all babble. Samsonhe brought the house down. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone. The Realtors Hymn Ive Got a Mansion Just over the Hilltop Wait until they're related to the Heavenly Father. Joseph because he served in the pharaohs court. As we yield to God we can master our reactions to fear and the enemy will soon flee. Faith, which is trust, and fear are opposite poles. 19. Answer: Holy cow! 100mph Precious Memories ~ Proverbs 1:7, Fear thou not; for I [am] with thee: be not dismayed; for I [am] thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness. Because he loved truth. 4. ~ Psalms 56:3-4, The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge: but fools despise wisdom and instruction. Bobby was prompt with his explanation. Habakkuk. What did the family members say when asked who would say grace? She went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little prophet. Have a wonderfully blessed day! He had the cat sitting quietly and he was preaching to it. Only he who can say, "The Lord is the strength of my life" can say, "Of whom shall I be afraid?". "Do you know a Ted Houlihan?" he asked. Beat the Christmas rush, come to church this Sunday! Funny Bible Verses, Quotes & Scriptures in the Bible Famous Amos. Answer: German Shepherds. Enjoy! Absalom. 52. "I do" So, what did the Jew have to say to the Gentile? Asked the You know Our Father, who does art in Heaven If you fear God, you really need fear nothing else. He died and went to Heaven, the Dad replied. 60. 105. There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family Bible to her brother in another part of the country. Finally, out of options, they ask their pastor if he can help. The only known antidote to fear is faith. Did you hear about the 1-800 service they have for atheists now? ***. She smiled and went about her work. I just always feel they are up to something, Once there was a millionaire, who collected live alligators. With pulpit. Mark 6:3 names James, Joses, Judas (conventionally known in English as Jude) and Simon as the brothers of Jesus, and Matthew 13:55, which probably used Mark as its source, gives the same names in different order, James, Joseph, Simon and Judas. The parents were shocked and the new mother started to weep. He only had two worms. Worry is a cycle of inefficient thoughts whirling around a center of fear. Does God love everyone? 118. was at a loss to understand how this illustrated the lesson of Adam and Eve. of the room, a five-year-old boy shouted out, "You gotta be dead! Enjoy! Hilarious Christian Jokes Have a good laugh with these hilarious clean jokes! The next day she awakens with renewed vengeance for her lover's betrayal. Freedom Welcome Back Front Seat, Back Seat Let Us Be One And The Wind Was Low A Brand New Song Feel The Love Final Touch > About The Album Lyrics & Chords > Since I Opened Up The Door Joyous Lament Jesus Puts The Song In Our Hearts The Cossack Song Think About What Jesus Said Short Alleluia Living Water The prophets. The fear of man pushes us to perform for man's approval rather than according to God's directives. "It is" Below the preachers message was written the following notation: I heard your voice in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; and I hid myself. The nuns from the Convent of the Immaculate Conception were on a day trip when their bus went off the road, plunged over a cliff and they were all killed. Confessor: Thank you, Father. Answer: They thought they saw a Job. - Chuck Swindoll. He was first in the human race. ~ Amy Carmichael, Negative minds full of fear and doubt produce negative lives, which can ultimately destroy your life. The parents drop off the youngest and go home, promising to return to get him soon. Quackers. A man had need to fear this most of all that he fears not at all. Christian Jokes, Clean Jokes, Best Christian Jokes, Christian Humor: Great Christian Jokes for Kids & Adults. She grabs the gun and holds it to her head. The boy just sits there and doesnt answer. 116. 190. 95mph Lord, Im Coming Home The day of the war game, Ivan realised he had misplaced his rifle, so he went to his Lieutenant: Lieutenant, I lost my rifle. Then he put a note under the windshield wiper that read: I have circled the block 10 times. These Christian jokes will make you laugh (and even shake your head) for what seems like an eternity. What did Daniel tell his real estate agent? Christian One liners as well as Christian Short Jokes and Stories are featured (and always welcome:)!). Do you know your hymns? Because they have mass. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and dine with him, and he with me. The son replied, I do know! Why did the sponge go to church? Dentists Hymn Crown Him with Many Crowns His clothing? As she ran she prayed, "Dear Lord, please don't let me be late! 188. Optometrists Hymn Open My Eyes That I Might See It soothes his sorrows, heals his wounds, And drives away his fear. Confessor: Would you like to accept it, Father? Answer: They were using fowl language. Was it notarized?. Why did the unemployed person get excited while reading the Bible? God nor Man has rested. Why do they say Amen at the end of a prayer instead of Awomen?Same reason we sing Hymns instead of Hers! There wasn't. Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, Copyright 2010-2023 Telling Ministries LLC. God will fill Job's mouth with Laughter Job 8:21 "He will yet fill your mouth with laughter, and your lips with shouting." In this passage, Job has already and is still suffering from the loss of his loved ones and properties. 191. What do you get if you cross a Jehovahs Witness and a Unitarian? Youre the Manasseh!, 60. Ivan had just been conscripted to fight in Ukraine. The hostess with the Moses.. Why are atoms catholic? but a crushed spirit dries up the bones. (ESV), ******************************************************************************, A woman had just returned to her home from an evening of church services, when she was startled by an intruder. 8. know how to pray?" 195. According to Christian belief, God created the universe. you know that they had automobiles in Jesus time? He said Be not afraid, thy comforter is coming. Halo, Halo, Halo! There are two stories of how God created it which are found at the beginning of the book of Genesis in the Bible. A joyful heart is good medicine, What excuse did Adam give his children about why he no longer lived in Eden? 59. How did Jacob cheer on his grandson? Dear Lord, please dont let me be late! Which Bible Character is a locksmith? Does that mean Mary had a little lamb? A Parking Lot. Sweet Christian Jokes 1. Email. Therefore, he was annoyed to find that the regular organist was sick and a substitute had been brought in at the last minute. and Chuck Norris". "Mary Had a Little Lamb.". 20. "Oh man-na! Convertible. Ive circled this block for 10 years. What did pirates call Noahs boat? What was Moses' wife, Zipphora, known as when. A Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem. Then God created Man and rested. What did the classmate say when asked why they kept walking next to the same person at school? What type of car would Jesus drive? I went to the doctor to see why I had such a big fear of snakesHe said I have a reptile dysfunction. 8. Even my name is one of the most, Who lives at 324 3rd st. Los Angeles. What excuse did Adam give his children about why he no longer lived in Eden? It soothes his sorrows, heals his wounds, and drives away his fear. She had nothing, no friends, no family, she just wanted to end it all, There was a travelling salesmen who had the job since he was he was seventeen so was constantly on the road, and had only ever slept with prostitutes his whole life. What time of day was Adam created? What happened to Mary Magdalene after Jesus? I wouldnt know what to say, the girl replied. 93. Your mother ate us out of house and home! 200. Who was the fastest runner in the race? What did Adam say the day before Christmas? 2 Jokes about Fear: Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light . 36. Oh, my baby.. ~~~, A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin 5, and Ryan 3. Why did Samson try to avoid arguing with Delilah?Answer: He didnt want to split hairs. ~ Psalms 23:4, What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee. 30. 53. "Oh, I What did pirates call Noah's boat? 185. Who was the first tennis player in the Bible? The ham, Abram!, 16. Which Bible character was super-fit? Which Bible character was super-fit?Absalom. Immediately, panic set in. 13. captain realized his ship was sinking fast. I can see why they threw him out!, One day the zoo-keeper Accepting what the Bible teaches, trusting in Gods plan, and believing in Christs death and resurrection, after all, have a direct influence on how Christians live. As the storm raged, the Out of the Mouth of Babes Enjoy :)! "Hello, is this Father O'Malley?" This means to the average person, if you have to be at a funeral, you would rather be in the casket than doing the eulogy." We are never frightened at a sunset. .except the penfish, which is supposed to be even mightier. he had thought it over and then said a prayer. Which nursery song would Jesus have heard the most? Here are some of our favorite Christian jokes for the family. ~ John C. Maxwell, A perfect faith would lift us absolutely above fear. The minister immediately announced in the kingdom that any man who don't fear his wife come to the booth in the town square and take a black or a white horse and those who fear their wife can take a cake for their missus. We hope this article on Christian jokes has been enlightening band fun. Therapist: I think you might be getting carried away. It's hard to take vampires seriously after Twilight. I was told Im supposed to walk by Faith!. 113. "This is going to be liturgy. 149. 34. ~~~, A father was at the beach with his children when the 4 year son ran up to him, Why didnt Noah go fishing? Why couldnt they play cards on the Ark? Joe has been seeing a psychoanalyst for four years for treatment of the fear that he had monsters under his bed. remember that Moses started out as a basketcase Some people show kindness, politeness, and sweet spirit until you try to sit in their pews Many people desire to serve God, but only as advisers The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose. 91. Who was the smartest man in the Bible? Finally, the attendant motioned him toward a vacant pump. Answer: Numbers. 10. ~~~, A 4 year olds prayer: Fear, Anyone can honk. Answer: The area around the Jordan where the banks kept overflowing. ", Billy had been misbehaving ~~~, A Sunday School teacher began her lesson with a question, Boys and girls, what do we know about God? What is a mathematicians favorite Bible book? The pastor begins to look stern and loudly says, Where is God? He called out, "Anyone here During the service last Sunday, the priest was stern. When someone needed a boat made, what did the people in town say? We Noah guy., 76. as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets. Abraham knew a Lot. 103. The Negro needs the white man to free him from his fears. But please don't shove me either! Would you like to say the blessing?. After a while he emerged and informed his mother that He went downstairs to the living room. This means if you were at a funeral, you'd likely rather be in the casket than giving the eulogy. Through trade, invasions and conquest, the Aramaic language had spread far afield by the 7th century B.C., and would become the lingua franca in much of the Middle East. Have we come to "I was told I'm supposed to walk by Faith!". Why didnt they play cards on the Ark? 172. What is a missionarys favorite vehicle? 143. 159. Im just traveling through this world. Beloved, I say, let your fears go, lest they make you fainthearted. A man, thirsty after a long hike, walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a beer. The bartender was curious. God hath not given us the spirit of fear, Leaving a Legacy: 10 Things I Want To Be Remembered For, 25 Encouraging Bible Verses About Strength, Words of Encouragement: 30 Uplifting Quotes, Are You a Disciple of Christ? 24. Joshua, son of Nun (Joshua 1:1). 42. The Negro needs the white man to free him from his fears. How long did Cain dislike his brother? 92. Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible? Why did the unemployed man get excited while reading his Bible? 21. And if you think that anybody is going to frighten me, you don't know me yet. It wasnt the Pinky Promised Land. Then some of them spread from Africa into Asia and Europe after two million years ago. How sweet the name of Jesus sounds, in a believer's ear! Answer: Mule-tide greetings. Whats the best way to study the Bible?You Luke into it. What's a believer's favorite fruit? Laughter is an important part of life and when it is coupled with Christian comedians you are bound to be rolling on the floor! 56. The story of Adam and Eve was Imagination frames events unknown, in wild, fantastic shapes of hideous ruin, And what it fears, creates. How did Jacob cheer on his grandson? What kind of lighting did Noah have onboard the ark? When I was about 9 years old, I accompanied my father to the funeral of a friend of his, someone who I didn't even know. If Mary is the mother of Jesus, and Jesus is the Lamb of God, Does that mean Mary had a giggle lamb? 12. John 4:18 (ESV) on the other hand reads For you have had five husbands, and the one you now have is not your husband.. Adam. The presence of fear does not mean you have no faith. Answer: A critical Mass. Where was Solomons temple located? 14. Habakkuk. not because hes afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris. Whats loved by Noah and also most meat-eaters? Which minor prophet is well-known thanks to cookies? Where was Solomon's Temple located? But make your fear a visitor and not a resident. 117. Cruelty is a tyrant that's always attended with fear. Why are atoms Catholic? Why did Noah have to punish and discipline the chickens on the Ark? A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. What types of boats do believers want to go on? What do you call a Bible character who just pulled into church? A pastor went out one Saturday to visit his church members. Finding Joy & Staying Joyful 12 Practical Tips 5. Trust the Lord to give you the power to overcome fear. Noah was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation. With the power of God within us, we need never fear the powers around us. Samson he brought the house down. Its the same in my business. Moses. said the captain, "you pray while the rest of us put on our life jackets - He should have thought about that before he joined my church., Sunday after church, a Mom asked her very young daughter what the lesson was about. God knew Adam would never be able to make a doctor, dentist or haircut appointment for himself. ~ Rick Warren, The worst evils of life are those which do not exist except in our imagination. They were flaking crude stone tools by 2.5 million years ago. Answer: He gave him two tablets. How are toddlers and those who attempted to build a tower to Heaven similar? Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the LORD thy God [is] with thee whithersoever thou goest. Mosquitoes come close, though. 24. Just tractors? The second boy says, 'that's nothing. Hydrophobia is fear of water. How do pastors like their orange juice? The wife opened the Bible and said: "Right here in HEBREWS! Samson brought the house down. Number two was death. He thought he saw a job. "If I 5 Chuck Norris Jokes. 159. 178. Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible? Bethlehem lies 10 kilometres south of the city of Jerusalem, in the fertile limestone hill country of the Holy Land. A Catholic is a Christian who follows the Catholic religion as transmitted through the succession of Popes. ~~~, A father was approached by his small son who told him proudly, I know what the Bible means! Seeing that a pilot steers the ship in which we sail, who will never allow us to perish even in the midst of shipwrecks, there is no reason why our minds should be overwhelmed with fear and overcome with weariness. Johnny looked up at her and said, What Would Jesus Drive? You must move against it with the weapons of faith and love. Moses, how do you make your coffee a man asked? Furthermore, his progress was very poor, and he knew it.

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