You need to ensue he understands you stick by him period. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment. I am angry for the fiance just from reading it. Pranks where people can legitimately die are rarely funny. I don't think I am the asshole because I suffered years of his abuse and don't feel I deserve to be spoken to like that. What about your future child if you have a boy? I'm sure that if you let them back in, they're going to haze your fiance more. I don't know how mild/severe his asthma is. Honestly we should make a sister sub for AITA. Your dad should be proud if he actually values those things and it truly is why tested your fianc. Bygones can't be bygones until the situation has been resolved. Tires are fucking expensive as hell. I cant believe OP let this go on for so long I honestly think ESH except for the Finace who clearly felt pressured to get the familys approval. Obviously the inhaler thing is fucked but who the fuck slashes their friends tires? He shouldn't have to be subjected to them for the rest of his life. My brother used to prank us by leaving frogs in our bed or tying the sprayer so it stayed spraying and then wiping mud or something on us so we'd have to go wash our arm and get sprayed turning the water on. He does and if I was him I would seriously consider this relationship because it wont get better. NTA. Stand your ground. It doesn't appear in any feeds, and anyone with a direct link to it will see a message like this one. Exactly. I am a woman who grew up in a very masculine family. These aren't "pranks" and what sort of fucking adult even "pranks" people anyway. Do not let mum, brother and friends tell you otherwise. They are awful people. When they cry, they can be told real men meet their financial obligations or post their own bail. Obviously, OP is NTA for booting them from the wedding. To follow this. Jesus. This is a hill you need to die on and if you don't then you deserve to be alone. Destroying property too? Thats some psycho shit. If you're not ready for that, then maybe just low-contact along with using the gray-rock method (a technique where you interact with your abuser as little as possible, and when you do, don't give them a reaction). Your mother is enabling the behavior by dismissing it and insisting you let it go. And what you cannot do is allow this to continue, because Tim doesn't deserve to spend the rest of his life being tortured by your extended family. My guess is the OP and her mother have had this done to them all their life because the dad is most likely an abuser. Cut them off and reported them for property damage to law enforcement. Holy shit your family is a bunch of assholes. So, yeah - man up and die for real. It was not fun. I hated every bit of it. Cut them off completely and keep them as far away as possible. Im surprised hes stuck around so long. Take it from someone who has a nonexistent relationship with their sibling due to failed communications, it's not worth it. Read this before contacting the mod team. The relationship is ruined, so why not enjoy it a little bit. Would these men abuse him for being too soft? The question you need to be asking is why are these sociopaths even a part of your life? Has still he come backOK I am calling the police..God I hope nothing has happened to him.. Why are these guys hanging up to keep OP from a healthy relationship? He could have died. It was infuriating and that was just a case of bad luck. Leaving the inhaler is potentially life threatening!!!! Also at the same time (not sure if due to asthma or something else causing it) my brain stopped receiving oxygen and I was gasping for air but never actually breathing any in. Because that lifetime of stress kills us. Also this is really concerning that you dont see that aspect. Eeesh. Read this before contacting the mod team. They want to live like Neanderthals they can do it elsewhere, not at your wedding. NTA OP. bullying. They sound like the type of people that would try to sneak some peanuts into the food of someone who is deathly allergic to them and cry its just a prank, bro. I agree!! pranks have no lasting impact, aside from a shared laugh in the future. No time to waste searching for it. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. "NTA. I dont any men who pull the crap your family did. A place where it's obvious OP is the asshole. They're children masquerading as adults. Either hire security or elope. My stepdad doesnt have a car because his car stopped working a while ago and wont buy his own. isn't it also, depending on how bad his asthma is, some form of ableism? I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Continue to protect your soon to be husband. Did they pay to replace his slashed tires? Can he forgive them? NTA. The last question is to judge whether you will have latent feelings of guilt should you not attempt to reconcile with your dad, and then not have the opportunity later to do so. Is it possible she thought she was doing you a favor letting you off the hook since she knew you really didn't want go in the first place? The men in your family are a bunch of nut jobs. But I had an attack, not that long ago, that landed me in the hospital overnight. We know our own families and how to handle them already, so it just makes sense. Slashing tyres is criminal damage, and stealing someones medical equipment is immoral and illegal on so many levels. as i mentioned, the money isnt really the issue, its more just how she did it. Not this shit. Seriously. Literally willing to risk everything to be with you. Pranks are harmless fun. They went way too far. He was bragging about this? My stepdad and I have a very good relationship. Toxic masculinity ruins the party again. NTA, if I'm 'Tim ' that prank hiding my inhaler will land op 'dad, brother, cousin and uncle' in jail for attempting murder. Tell us about any non-violent conflict you have experienced; give us both sides of the story, and find out if you're right, or you're the asshole. It's reasonable to protect your chosen family. Putting frogs in people's beds isn't cool either, if someone came on here and said their family kept leaving frogs in their fiance's bed no one would say, "haha good one, tell your fiance to quit freaking out over such a funny joke.". What is going to happen if you have kids? NTA. I think you all let it go to far before you stood up for him. I wouldn't want them anywhere near me or my SO. Can you imagine what other "pranks" they would play at the wedding? OP needs to drop the family or drop the fiancee, because you can't have a healthy loving relationship with someone while being complicit in them being abused. They gave him a likely impossible task just to haze her partner. You are protecting your fiance from bullies. My junior and senior years of high school they had my two younger half-brothers and my stepdad forced me to drop out of all extracurriculars so I could take care of them after school which severely hurt my chances of scholarships. Look, it's just like those 'allergy' people. OP, how have you not filed a police report?? Tell your husband he'll be more stressed if it turns out to be a serious condition. Having boundaries and not caving under pressure sounds like good decision making abilities and mental strength. My mother tried but my stepdad did not. Assholes are assholes who deserves to get cut out of your life. He passed away. The opposite in fact. Child abuse waiting to happen. Who would want to marry into a family where you're constantly tested based on toxicly masculine standards. My brother freaked out saying it was a prank and they were going to give it back, Dad said they'll apologize if I insist but Tim will have lost the little respect they'd gained for him and in their eyes will always be "the soft college kid" who's not up for the challenge. I suffer asthma and it is not something to joke about. The fact that Tim tolerated their bullying for so long without dumping you or calling the cops was awful. You say that, but you never see a photo of a neanderthal with an inhaler. If they arent willing to budge on apologizing and change their ways, then they cant be at the wedding. Your family is toxic, rude and dangerous! OP should have stopped them long ago. NTA, and im sorry, also FUCK YOUR DAD, as your post says " he was abusive in everyway, but a master manipulater.". Jesus Fucking Christ! NTA he's mad you are learning what healthy relationships look like and creating boundaries. You never mention where you stand, but Im willing to bet that if they dont line up, you probably wont enjoy their company much. You should have given your dad and brother some kind of excuse for why Tim couldnt go camping. Typical stepdad behavior. It was really sad she was in her mid 20's like this shit can be life threatening if an attack isn't treated correctly. If they even slashed in a way that could be plugged. Their little prank couldve cost your fianc his life. OP may or may not have been explicit about why, but she is changing the way she treats their father. Mom needs to be told to butt out or shes next to be banned. What a sissy! They will always treat your fiance like shit and like he is less than. Have your fianc sit down with the four of them (with you present) and tell them to their faces they are not invited. I would presume that they had a similar experience with him.". This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Isnt it weird they think the respect they have for him matters? What if he'd had asthma attack? So OP is an AH just because her family members are jerks who refuse to take her seriously until she was forced to escalate the situation? NTA, and honestly I'd go no contact until they grow the fuck up. We had a friend die from cancer, because he never went to the doctor for his yearly blood work and checkup. NTA. He kicked out and made you homeless when you had cancer. NTA. Your family went in the bullying / torture zone with their pranks. You absolutely are TA for letting this go on for so long. Stand your ground. evetytime anyone reaches out to beg op to re-invite them, I'd send them a new article about someone who died/almost died because of a lack of an inhaler. Theyre bullies & bullies only learn when someone stands up to them. I mean what was the challenge supposed to be exactly? You need to put a stop to it and you should have put a stop it long time ago. OP you gotta remind your family of that point right there. There is also a difference between a prank and stealing a serious medical device, such as an inhaler. Who wants to be treated like that for the rest of their life? He would be better off using the money to wipe his ass than spend it on her, Lol she let him pay the wedding and then invites him lol I hope stepdad cuts her out too, How directly the fare there so many NTA and ESH?`, Let me guess, most have some variation of "It's YOUR wedding!!!!". Gotta love it how a husband will make it your fault for bugging him to simply fucking TAKE CARE OF HIMSELF. He was abusive in every way but was a master manipulator. I'd be pissed if one of my in-laws slashed them as a "prank". Send them all links for information about consequences of their behaviour regarding his inhaler. Probably should have been too. Slashing tires isn't a prank. Cut these assholes off and don't look back. Starting a married life together is supposed to be a wonderful thing, it's not worth letting it get soured by people who's opinions don't even matter like yours does. Those family members suck. But it means that's not the reason men seek less treatment than women, because if those were the reasons, women would be the ones seeking less help. Theyd get one prank. Someone might think you are serious instead of joking. This would, in your shoes, absolutely be my hill to die on. - Reddit, I mean GONDOR calls for aid!! I cant believe that Tims family would want to see them or your mom at the wedding. Theyre just acting sorry because youre making a stink about it. Do you guys have kids? I went to a wedding where the lady getting married had her birth mom, first stepmom, and second stepmom. NTA. All they are doing is trying to determine if your fianc holds values like them or not. Sounds like someone is worried that the college boy might be smarter or somehow better than them and they want to take him down a notch. Sounds like a bunch of dumb hicks bullying a city boy. Slashing tyres was a serious attack on his property (and incurred an unnecessary expense) and hiding his inhaler was playing russian roulette with his actual life. To be clear, her family is filled with horrible bullies. And it's not about me. Shrug and say that was your family? Exactly. Slashing his tyres? Hiding his inhaler on a days camping trip? Ngl he did what he could to help me out with school and everything, he even offered to fund my wedding which is going to be in 5 weeks time and I'm very grateful for that though this was his decision. violence isnt just physical aggression against an individual.) this is wildly inappropriate at best, and really not funny. Its just a joke is just the typical response to make it seem less harmful and make the victim out to be exaggerating. Your only punishment is not coming to the wedding? NTA depending on how severe his asthma is then no inhaler = death. NTA and also I think is healthy you take some space away from your familytheir idea of manliness is so backwards. This could have escalated into something as harsh as attempted murder. Hiding an inhaler? This is childish. That wasn't just a harmless prank, they were literally endangering the life of your fiance. Or die. the stuff in the first paragraph was bullying but hiding his inhaler? How do you fix slashed tires? Cousin asked if "little timmy ran to me to tattle". Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. I am having a hard time wrapping my head around why OP would let them take him camping. Your fianc is a trooper for putting up with them. not that I fault OP when their family is coming down hard trying to convince OP its just a prank bro. Who wins out of this? And talking about seeing your life moving forward how will you feel when they start this pranking with your future kids? I grew up in a sorta fucked up family. Again, keep in mind him and I have never once hung out one on one just strictly in social settings. Dont let them go to your wedding. Your family were bullying, harassing, and assaulting your fiance, and until they understand the severity of their actions and apologize, I wouldn't ever allow myself to be alone with them again if I were him. I feel like the AH because I overreacted and probably couldve compromised for a day. These are NOT pranks. Tell us about any non-violent conflict you have experienced; give us both sides of the story, and find out if you're right, or you're the asshole. If my husband do this to me one day, aka letting people bully me, he would find himself very lonely because I'll be gone. If you want to save your relationship you need to keep Tim away from your family, I'd go no contact myself. Id tell them since they suck so much at life they can sit at the house and play pranks on one another and if mommy wants to get involved, she can sit her ass at the house with them as well. Leave them uninvited. He died of the cancer 3 weeks ago. If someone hid my inhaler, I would consider that attempted murder. These are stupid and potentially life-threatening. Do not just uninvite them from your wedding, uninvite them from your life. Him not being able to breathe, "Oh look! Asthma is no joke. Im not speaking from hyperbole here. NTA. Ive been nagging him to go to the doctor to get it checked out and he has refused for months, even though it would be free. I grew up in a house where my dad would pester us to the point of crying, then get mad that we were crying because "I'm just messing with you!!" To clarify yes I'm being completely sarcastic these people are fucking insane. Tim isnt driving a wedge between you and your familyyour family is driving that wedge. Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post. NTA but you wont be if you dont take drastic measures to ensure this bullying stops. Look: I know its hard to discover that the way you grew up isnt actually normal or okay, but the way you grew up is not actually normal or okay. They are cruel people who have been bullying your fianc, these things are not pranks. Your entire family is toxic and dangerous. They were okay with killing or seriously harming your husband. They know when they have power and they are exploiting it as much as possible to make him miserable. Time to tell dad that people find him to be a thug and a criminal and don't respect him because he treats people badly. He could press charges for that. were not shunning her. And at some point your family are going to crack your relationship with your fiance right through, because contact is always going to feel to him that you're condoning it and secretly agreeing. NTA, your username is more accurate than you may even realize. If they can't show respect to you and their fiance, then why should they be allowed to share in your special day? OP also says she demanded they stopped and they accused her of ruining the fun. Where are your priorities op?! is that the right term? She let them slash his tires? He still went camping with them after months (years?) Show your mom this thread so she can see that most normal people do not think it was okay AT ALL. Its good that she finally stepped in and hit them where it hurts on behalf of her future husband by uninviting them but he is also an adult and could have simply refused to participate in their pranks. Recently, I bought a new car which I use everyday and let my mom and stepdad take it whenever they need. This!!! It's not funny, it's messed up. She cussed me out for prioritizing my hateful and cold hearted brothers over my stepdad and showing him that I'm not worthy of his grace which was really really hurtful for me to hear. Calling him the soft college kid makes it seem like its more about their feelings of inferiority instead of making your fianc prove himself. From expensive property damage to verbal abuse to life threatening actions. And if so, would that change if he were to get seriously ill or worse? NTA. Sounds like your family is jealous that he's college educated. I wouldnt want them near me on my wedding day. They literally could have killed him. Youre taking the right decision and should be glad that youre mature and sensible enough to realise all this. I mean the main reason the men in my family hate doctors is because they dont listen. Wouldnt it increase their respect for both of them as a couple if that despicable quartet come out of this wedding with the ULTIMATE wedding favour, aka mug shots and restraining orders? If you still get married don't be surprised if he wants to get out of every family gathering etc if he can to avoid them. Its your responsibility to make sure your family members are abusing your partner under the disguise of tests and pranks. You are NTA for sure. Theyll make your partners life a misery and at some point youd be forced to choose so you might as well choose your husband-to-be upfront. Presumably because she's a little lady who doesn't understand "real man" humor (ugh). NTA, the only typical thing about this is typical mail toxic behaviour. Standing up for your fiance is the best thing you could have done, and honestly if they don't change their attitude real quick, uninviting them is definitely the best answer. I loved her at first but quickly I realized she wasnt everything I had thought. Back your fiance and be in his corner. Im surprised youre the first person to say all this. If there's any chance of any form of healing this extended family it's by them realising how badly they've messed up, and them having to "man up" to take the consequences of their actions could be what's needed. Tim should have filed a Police report!! They are abusive, this is one of the worst examples of toxic masculinity I have ever come across. Their pranks went from wildly inappropriate to outright dangerous. Perfect response, thisnis what I would say. Pranks are something harmless everyone can laugh at. I was so mad at the timing of that because I couldn't do nearly as much as I wanted to on that trip because of that unexpected expense. Knowledge and wisdom are threatening to people with small minds. The Testing they have done is all about highlighting there own sense of entitlement over who they find acceptable to for you to be with and driving away someone they find unacceptable. NTA - Hiding someone's inhaler is not a harmless prank! I cant imagine how they will treat your kids. Attempted murder. If someone pushes waaay too far after being told to stop many times, they need to face the consequences of their actions. He should get them all charged. If he wont take care of himself, make sure youre both prepared for the consequences. Slashing tires is dangerous and expensive.. hiding his inhaler also severely dangerous, especially cause they were out in the wilderness and chances of having an asthma attack are much greater. Who carries his weight in the relationship and household? Guarantee they wouldn't find it funny if their tires were randomly slashed as a "prank.". This is the lesson they need to learn. Yeah i would have been off the fence after the tires. 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